1. Go swimming on a whim. At night. Without refereeing the rules of The Splash Game.
2. Empty the kids’ closets of annoying T-shirts, crappy toys the kids won at some arcade party, and half the artwork they brought home from school this spring.
3. Empty the office of annoying emails, crappy pencils the kids left when they stole the good pens, and half the paperwork they sent home from school this spring.
4. Finish every conversation with your spouse, even the one you started 8 months ago.
5. Eat every meal at a restaurant.
6. Run a dishwasher loaded only with coffee mugs. (See above.)
7. Think your own thoughts.
8. Make out in the middle of the afternoon.
9. Binge watch a full season of a kid-unfriendly show.
10. Linger everywhere you go. Or rush. Either way, it’s your decision.
11. Sleep late. Or wake up early. Again, your call.
12. FaceTime the kids. Pretend that y’all are totally bored without them.
13. Get 8 hours of work done in only 3.
14. FaceTime them again. Pretend you don’t miss them and that it’s no big deal one kid doesn’t want to talk to you.
15. Make their beds and tidy their rooms, even though 5 days ago you swore up and down that it was their job for now on, every day, for the rest of their lives.
16. Buy fresh milk and apples.
17. Check the clock. Again.
18. Squeeze their guts when they return.
19. Squeeze Grandma harder.